I've tried, you've tried, they've tried...

"One more try," he said.
"What is the use of trying?"
"It is a thing which people do,"
(The book of Merlyn)

As the oldest child in my family, I tend to walk in other's shadow.
For me doing something new is always challenging. ^^
Watching others simply do it ~really give some inspirations to me.
I always wanted to do something for the benefits of other but yet I never done anything in my 22years of life. huhu. >_<

Tomorrow, will be my first practical in hearing screening program. I will be handling standard five children. I hope it will go smooth. At least I'm gonna try my best... Yana, hwaiting!

Being Grumpy..

Grumpy...what is grumpy?
you know..a little angry, a little mad... hehe~ i got this definition from a beautiful little girl who is a niece of a very good friend of mine. She's so little but yet so cute and bright..^^

I'm not very good in English so I hope you guys can correct me if I written anything wrong in my blog or for what I've done wrong in the world outside^^...

Someone said that as a good student, you'll tend to sleep less (because of all the studies) and the very next day you'll become tired, agitated, moody, or grumpy. Suddenly you'll have this kind of "Don't talk to me" written all over your face. Scary huh? But I don't quite agree... for me being tired or having some sort of problem is not a reason for me to be all grumpy towards others. Maybe when someone are treating you bad, it's not a reason for you to be harsh on others too. Just because you're having this 'unseen' pain in your heart, it doesn't mean that you have to break other's heart too. I get upset easily but I hope I'll never make someone upset. I hope I never treat others badly. They'll feel bad and so am I.

I'm don't fall in the category of "good" student. Usually I work as hard as others because I love playing a lot. Recently I'm back on the volleyball court again since I didn't played nearly 2 month due to my ankle injury..huhu. I hope I can manage my time for study and other things. InsyaAllah, yana-shii hwaiting!

"We're looking at the same world,"

Yesterday, in my RKUD class, Uztaz said ~ "Philosophy is like mathematics; so 1 plus 1 is 2,". Hearing that, it kinda gave me some energy and spirits that I can again finally make it through this semester…again..Insyaallah, Lyanna-shii, hwaiting! ^^
(just have to take pediatrics in audiology, techniques in audiology, screening for hearing impaired, counseling in communication disorder, special needs and learning, to be similar to mathematics ~ 1 plus 1 there's just gonna be an answer..hehehe)

In the middle of the lectures he added "We're looking at the same world, but with different meaning to it,". This sentence make me wonder and ponder and finally I'm smiling on my own..again..^^ .:smile:.

After thinking earnestly about the sentence "the same world, but in different way of seeing it,". It always made me accept what I am today and what others are to me. Although sometime we seems to feel that we're in despair and gasping for air everyday going through with our lives nevertheless we're still in the same world. Without seeing akhirah as the main goal, we may lost our grasp. Nauzubillahi min zalik.

Just don’t run in facing anything. I always told myself; no need to run ~it'll happen anyway. Always told my mom ~ to keep holding on, I'm always here for her, except if my time is up. Always believe that my mom and my dad are there ~whenever I need them, whether the whole wide world doesn’t seem to need me anymore. Always gonna act strong and wise in front of my siblings ~teaching them that life can be tough and in the end of the day we (family) always gonna love you.

However, the thought of whoever we are, we still share the same world seems funny to me in certain conditions. For example, I realized some of my friends are head over heels in love with someone. Why do I feel funny about it?. Maybe because I never experience those kind of feelings before. Hehe. So it's quite hard for me to understand…I guess? Hehe. What? Jealous? Me, jealous? Hehe maybe…a little~ I guess, hehe^^ oh, and did I tell you, my beloved volleyball senior was married last Monday. Alhamdulillah, "ounnie, chukhahaeyo!!" \(>_<)/. I guess maybe being in love with someone is a great feeling. I remembered when I was little, my Uztaz told me, "Doesn't it feel wonderful when we were loved by someone? Then how would you feel when I tell you that Allah loved everyone who he put Islam in his heart? Isn't it suppose to be more wonderful? Being loved by Allah?" and to myself I was like "yes, Uztaz, indeed." (smiling to myself..again!)

Head over heel in "something" really gave me a good example of "the same small world, but with different view of it". To someone maybe that small tiny thing is a big deal to her and maybe to me the same thing doesn’t bring much concern. Maybe to anyone else, that small tiny thing is nothing to them but maybe it meant the whole wide world to me. See, how it can be different view? I hope I can always spare my time thinking deeply before making any assumptions upon anyone. Anyway, always enjoying smiling to myself whenever my friends tell me anything about (nearly about) anything..hehe..and I ended up being pinch or smack on the shoulder for smirking alone hehe ^^


p/s~ always loved smiling on my own thought..hehe ^^ loving it, parapapapa!

The cutest thing ever...

Last Saturday, I spent my Chinese New Year holiday's at home. My mother told me before that she's babysitting two young babies. Both of them, Arif who is one year and a half old, and Syami who is 3 years old are the most adorable and cutest thing ever!

It was a great thing^^ to see my mom smiling and laughing while cuddling her two "new" sons. It was a great thing also to see Arif and Syami who are really accepting all my family members like their own. Seeing the way they play around with my sibling really recalled how we used to play together when we're small. Hearing them calling my mom "mama", calling me "kak yan", calling amir "abang Amir" ~was the sweetest thing in my life ever. hehe. (just like when Amir first time called out "mama")

On the very next day, Sunday, we were at Padang Pasir Gudang, watching Adin's soccer game. He'd played as a goalkeeper. Alhamdulillah, he and his team won the second place while champion goes to Taman Perling's team. hehe. Met Alif, who is a childhood's friend of mine. He has grown up a lot. hehe.(^^)

"I'm home"

Insya Allah I will be "sailing" back home this Saturday. It's been a while now. ^^
Missing all my family members. Although the holiday kinda short but at least I'm not gonna be homesick anymore. :heart:

The only thing I hate 'bout going back home is I hate buses. huhu. I'll develop these "motion-sickness" all the way through the journey. huhu.

Nevertheless, I'm glad I'm gonna be home this weekend. My brothers are having their football tournament and all of us will be there, insyaallah. I miss my mom and Amir.

p/s~ Amir called me and said "lamanya...lamanya baru kakyan balik, esok pegi KFC eh". I was like "okay, amir tuggu kakyan eh..." hehe.

"I'm not stupid"

"I'm not stupid" ~suddenly I remembered about this Singapore movie title. If I'm not mistaken, the movie was about Chinese children that are not so good in English, in their school (in Singapore). However they manage to cope with English together with their friends and family. good lor..(^^). Chinese people always struggle for their own place anywhere they were. I hope Malay people will always be like that too.

Yesterday was one of those tough days...My whole class were having our Pediatric's presentation for the first time in front of all the lecturers in my department. I presented the topic "Progressive Hearing Loss among Pediatrics". By the end of the presentations, our lecturers gave out their comments and all I can remember was that they were not very happy with most of our presentations. Sad, it really struck my heart. I felt really bad for my class. Although, I really felt like all my friends did present well, but hearing those kind of comments, I just can't stop felling bad for myself and started to find where my mistakes were. huhu. Oh Allah, I realized, that, I am not quite good in accepting critics..huhu (T_T). I shouldn't be, right?

By the end of the day I ended up cleaning my room. Hehe! I mopped my room, I mopped the stairs, I mopped the corridor...I don't quite know how to settle down this "regret" and "hopeless" feelings of mine. Oh, ottokeyo!.

After I heard every comments from my lecturers earlier, I was like "Is it that bad?" huhu. Maybe deep in my heart, I felt like "I should clean up this mess, stop felling bad for yourself for god sake!". At first, I was wondering around in my room when I got back..then I started to play with my laptop..then eventually I ended up mopping the floor with all these "regrets" and "hopeless" thought playing in my head. hehe. really funny. I guest that's how I settle down these crazy stuff that stuck in my head.

Today, I woke up with these "awkward" feelings. "Huh, am I going to class?". oh, I am. All these weird questions and self-answering stuff keep popping in my mind. As I entered the class, I took a deep breath and I said to myself "Yesterday was just one of those tough days of mine,". Alhamdulillah, my mind was calm and I was able to "suck up" all the lectures today including extra-class (masking topic) with kak fiza was going smooth.. only that I realized I'm not breathing normally, (I usually have normal kind of inhale and exhale) but today I was inhaling deeply- holding it longer than usual and exhaling it with a heavy sigh. huhu, am I still upset? with who? with myself of course. Lyanna, learn from mistakes.

"Kerana manusia rasa bangga bila dipuja, dan rasa kerdil bila dihina," ~ I knew I shouldn't be like that. Ingat pesan mama, "Jangan cepat melatah," ~I knew she's always right. ummi.

Advice worth listening #1

"Tough time doesn't stay, but tough people do,"
I heard this saying from a friend to a friend of a friend of mine.(^^)
Maybe some may ask "why me?" "why it have to be me?" "why?"
But let ask ourselves again, "why shouldn't it be me?" "why shouldn't it be us?". Everything happen for a reason. I believe I shouldn't be harsh to anyone. Although I'm not doing things as what I desired, I shouldn't be harsh on myself. Although other people doesn't seem to do well in something, I shouldn't be harsh on them too. I really hope no one is being harsh on my siblings no matter what their mistake were. Mistakes were meant to be corrected. Nobody is perfect. Well, almost nobody. Being harsh and being firm are two different thing. One can make someone felt like dying and another one can make someone learn making amendments from their mistakes.

It really took me by surprise...

It really took me by surprise how actually people can be kind to others. I love reading Reader Digest and in it's recent issue, it include some short true story about how people treat strangers with kindness. Kindness is a wonderful thing.

For me, by being kind, we can portray the beautifulness of Islam. Lets be kind, whether to a muslim or a non-muslim. Lets be kind to human, animals and other creatures.

It also took me by surprise how people can make others felt like crying or irritated or uneasy and pretend absolutely nothing happened. Truthfully, sometimes we do hurt people without knowing. By nature our hearts are fragile. We tend to take everything to heart easily or we tend to ignore what people's feelings are. Sometimes it is important for us to feel empathy towards others at least by not saying bad things about them. It's easy for us to make assumptions. But if you knew that the assumptions you make may upset the person concerned then by keeping it to yourself is the best way.

As I get older..uhuk uhuk

I’ve read a blog of a friend to a friend of mine~ he wrote something about his family. He listed down his memorable memories in his childhood. Sweet and valuable. When I went through it, it makes me recall my treasured memories of childhood as well. Funny and silly memories of mine. Yes, fighting and being at each other’s throats is the bread and butter of siblings. In the end of the fights we always realize how much we hate and love each other. Hehe (n_n)
Frankly, there are times when I felt I'm falling apart because of my family. To my despair, I felt useless and I felt like I've done nothing that pleased my mom and my dad. Nevertheless, even though I felt I never done them proud, I believe that they are always proud of me in every little thing I've done that I didn’t realized.
Mughirah bin Shu'bah(ra) related that Rasulullah(saw) said, "verily, Allah forbids you from disobeying your parents." 
General meaning; Allah commands every Muslim to care for his parents properly, with kindness and courtesy. We are to heed their advice. Never show our stubbornness and disobey them with harsh words. As their child, we should repay their kindness in providing for and bringing us up. To disobey our parents is a disgraceful act and a serious sin.(http://islamickids.tripod.com/hadith. html)
As I grew older (and as the oldest child in my family) I've learned that I must be strong for my mom, my dad, and siblings. I love you guys. Mama, ayah, iqah, hafiz, addin, nash, sai, hajar, and amir..Saranghae <3. Stay strong as you guys always do.
Truthfully, I am not as bright as others. I find myself struggling in every little, tiny, and small things in my studies. I don’t quite good at judging people but as for judging myself I've always put myself at the bottom. I'm lack of confident, social skills and self esteem. Alhamdulillah, although I always have no hope in myself but I always have faith in Allah. In my hardest time, I find the easiest way to get back on my feet again is by remembering You Allah…alhamdulillah…
It's easy to be sad. But Allah had mentioned in the Al-Quran, "La Tahzan" and emphasized the reasons not to be sad.
"Life is short than most have thought," (quoted from Maher Zain hehe). My only hope for myself and my family is that we can sail through this life with iman and ended this life in Iman. InsyaAllah.
p/s~ the despair, misery, depression, and disappointment that sometime we face in our life is actually the reaction of our body upon transition of one selves to a new stage of life (as we get older), a new environment (as we go places), and sign of maturity. That's my opinion. It just the matter of how we handle and cope with it… (many, did go insane~but if we have faith in Allah, He'll protect us)
"As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed as ignorant as you were at twenty-two, you'd always be twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It's growth. It's more than the negative that you're going to die, it's the positive that you understand you're going to die, and that you live a better life because of it." 
— Mitch Albom (Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson)

Open my eyes, my heart, and my mind

Lets open our eyes, heart, and mind. Let go something that had passed and strive excellent for everything we are about to do. Lets not burden ourselves with our own mind settings. Learn to let go Lyanna.