"It's really a pleasure to get to know you,"

haha~ it was fun to be able to converse fully in English with someone. Yesterday, Prof. Sis Aisyah suddenly happen to be talking to me. Although my English is not so good but I took the chance! I'm so proud of myself hehehehe...

I also collected enough courage to ask her whether she is related to sis nurlin. She was shocked! She even giggled over the thought haha~ She explained that she is a very good friend of bro saiful and sis nurlin. hehe. I even told her that her nose look alot like sis nurlin's..haha

oo and today is a special holiday because Malaysia soccer team won the Piala Suzuki. My best friends were no where to be found here in Kuantan because they are home! hehe I missed my mom!

well, that's enough for today~ I'm doing my SPSS. Wish me luck (Back at you!)

He had change so much

He's someone that my heart kinda jump when I see him.

It's been a while since the last time I saw him.

But just as always, he's always in his own world completely ignoring me by the sideway~ uhuk huk huk.

I learned a lot from life and you.

awak...hehehehehhehehehe... nak bagitau ni~ kalo awk suke, saya lagiiiiii suke wak!! haha~~ :DDD

awak...hehehehehhehehehe... nak bagitau ni~ kalo awk suke, saya lagiiiiii suke wak!! haha~~ :DDD

p/s~ GOOD LUCK IN UPCOMING EXAM!! ^^

It's not good bye

It's not good bye by Laura Pausini

Now what if I never kiss your lips again
or feel the touch of your sweet embrace.
How would I ever go on?
Without you there?s no place to belong
Well someday love is going to lead you back to me
but till it dose I'll have an empty heart
So I'll just have to believe
somewhere out there you're thinking of me
Until the day I let you go,
Until we say our next hello
It's not goodbye.
Til I see you again
I'll be right here remembering when
And if time is on our side
there will be no tears to cry on down the road
there is one thing I can't deny
It's not goodbye
You'd think I'd be strong enough to make it trough
and rise above when the rain falls down
But its so hard to be strong
when you've been missing somebody so long
It's just a matter of time I'm sure
but time takes time and I can't hold on
so wont you try as hard as you can
to put my broken hearth together again?
Until the day I let you go,
Until we say our next hello
It's not goodbye.
Til I see you again
I'll be right here remembering when
And if time is on our side
there will be no tears to cry on down the road
there is one thing I can't deny
It's not goodbye

There's a simple reason why I'm still smiling...

When I felt that Audiology may not be for me~ There's simply a reason for me to kept holding on. My nightmare of having practicals at government settings melt down when I met these angels;

comel kan adik ni? nama dia esya!

I met this lovely little baby girl at a nursery where I had to carry out a Hearing Screening Program. Seeing her playing around and willing to play with me reminds me of Amir! It's a great thing that she wasn't afraid of strangers like me ^^

some more picture of her;

comel kan dier!

"fill ur house with laughter,"

The nursery is located not far from my university. This is how the nursery looks like;

And also some picture of the other angels there ^^

(stop being esya-biased lyanna! keh keh keh...)

Before the hearing screening was held at the nursery. My department of Audiology and Speech Language Pathology (in collaboration with other department in Allied Health Sciences) had done a hearing screening at our very own university during the International Islamic University Kuantan Open Day (IKOD). As the one in charge of the hearing screening programme we are really thankful to our Head of Department, Bro Saiful Adli Jamaluddin and our very own lecturer Sis Nurlin to supervised us during the program! Thanks to all the fourth years seniors who are willing to supervised us too.

I forgot to took some pictures on that day. But fortunately I had the chance of snapping Uzma's pictures. She's adorable! I wish Bro. Saiful and Sis. Nurlin won't mind for me to have some Uzma pictures here; hehe.. here goes~~ introducing UZMA!

omg, just look at her! ^^ adorable!!!!

she got her father's nose and her mother's eyes ^^

There's so much reason for me to keep holding on to Audiology. Hwaiting Yana-shii.

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah, for these lovely gifts.

haha~ trying my best to win Mastermind!!

haha~ I tried my best...

hope I can get the giveaway!! yeah! thanks to aa-chan for the oppurtunities hehe ^^

aa-chan is an english instructor at south korea. He reminds me of my childhood dream~ I have always wish to be an English teacher. (I even sent some application for TESL Teaching English As Second Language~ unfortunately I didn't get it and now I'm stuck here at a clinic doing my practicals with 'scary I don't understand why' supervisors hahahahaha!)

Life is not easy. So don't make it even difficult to others~ Just be kind ^^

Good Man~

R.L ~Good Man... it's a lovely song. I heard it in Beast Documentary episode 2. The boys were separated in 2 groups to be judged vocally.

I was just a boy and not a man
Falling deep in love was not the plan
Baby, because of you and what you do
You made me a good man, oh, baby

Right now I'm in the mood of finishing my assignment in Health management. yah! hwaiting!!! ^^

As a student

Clinical attachment at hospital M~ I realized that it's gettin' tougher.

Frankly~ I admit that my communication skills is not something I can be proud of. huhu.

But honestly, I've tried my best to communicate well with the patients. I tried my best to perform the procedures~ But I guessed "well" is not good enough for my supervisors.

But hey, supervisors are supervisors~

Although I started to "despise" them, I still have respect for them.

Sincerely~ everytime I have to face them, my heart jumped like crazy~ there's this thoughts of

"I must have done something terrible to deserve this kind of treatment!"

"oh, god, I must not do anything wrong today,"

"oh, god, I have to this perfectly,"

"oh, god, he's gonna be mad~~~"

at least what I can do is~~ not to sacrifice my sane state of mind and accept all the critics, always remember my goal of having this clinical attachment~ to expose myself to the hospital settings of audiologist officers.

oh god, it's only you who can help me~

Eid 2010

Alhamdulillah, praises to Allah that I am still able to celebrate Aidilfitri this year. ^^

As usual we started the first Syawal to Mak tok's house~ then we headed to Kampung Melayu to Atok Mak's house and finally we're off to Parit Raja, Batu Pahat to Nenek Mardhiah house~

Extremely happy to see my cousins, nieces, and nephews!!

p/s~ I got the most duit raya compared to all my siblings...even my second sister doesn't get the duit raya because people mistook her as the first child.. hehe ^^

Naseb baik chika okay jer... no hard feelings ya!

To all makcik2 and pakcik2 yg bg sy duit raya ~terima kasih and hmmm saya anak sulung!!! bukan anak ke2... hehe^^

tapi apa2 pun "kechik tapak tangan, nyiru saya tadahkan,"

to adik2~ hari raya is not just about "duit raya" and "balik kampung" ok... salam atok tu puas2..^^

Kad Raya, Sampul Kad Raya, dan Setem itu --->

kekeke... today, in facebook Mak Su tagged me in the 'kad raya' picture as I attaced above...
Thanks Mak Su and do forgive me for anything that I did wrong to you.
It's still is very early to send those 'Aidilfitri' thingy... but it's never is too early to seek for forgiveness and says sorry to anyone. So, therefore, oleh itu;

"Saya nak susun 10 jari, memohon maaf pada kenalan2," ^^~eye smile

Have you send any card raya to anyone?
I remembered the first time I received a card raya... it was from a primary school of mine... kekeke...
I remembered sending a card raya to my male friends... in the card I drew many characters of Naruto [because I knew that they liked Naruto so much]... they can't stopped smiling hehe ^^
wahhhh! really need some card raya and stamps right now... I miss my family and old friends... Although I know I can always call them but I just really miss them!

Hot Issue~ Lailatul Qodr

hehe currently listening to this song "Hot Issue" by 4minutes... ^^

I'm in the middle of leafing through my epidemiology notes. I hope the mid-examination for this paper won't end up like Health Management's and Auditory Amplification's paper. "Crossing my fingers"~ in Islamic we don't do it this way; the Islamic way is to whisper or says our prayers... Insya Allah.

Oh yes, I didn't mention to you 'bout my Auditory amplification's paper right? well, it was a 'disaster' as well~~ [aiyak! how much disaster yana?!]

Although the paper will only carry about 15% towards the final paper but having those kind of question really made my mind gone out blank! gaaahh!

It wasn't my lecturer fault~ the questions was indeed direct... whose fault is it then? ahaaaa, where your finger pointing right now?~~~ [right at my nose! paaaPP!]

however, ehem... I think I did pretty well in my Auditory Electrophysiology's paper...

Hope it will turned up well~~ yosh!

Anyhow~ my friends succeed in persuading Dr. Aidil to revealed the result later after Idul Fitr...

[the pictures of Idul Fitr are flowing in my mind right now, hopefully all of us will have the opportunity/rizk to have this year Idul Fitr joyfully!]

Lailatul qodr is just around the corner;

"Samada kita cari atau tak, Lailatul Qodar itu pasti terjadi... terpulang pada kita la akan apa bentuk amalan kita malam itu, akan apa corak kegiatan kita malam itu, akan apa yang kita harapkan untuk diri kita sendiri pada malam itu. Ayuh berlumba-lumba dalam kebaikan. Setahun hanya sekali, meraikan malam yang lebih baik daripada 1000 bulan ini~ ^^"

Terlupa bawa dadu pegi exam Health Management! hah!

Ok, the title is seriously not funny...

Exam pagi tadi memang mencabar betul.. 45 MCQ's and only one short essay!

Bukan ape, nota yang cuma 4 chapter~ tebal dia dah macam nota introduction to audiology 1 semester punyer... mak oi, bayangkan lah kalau ada 45 MCQ's yang kena jawab sementara nota-notanya aku cuma baca dua tiga kali sahaja. Aku bukan terror tahap sekilas ikan di air aku tahu jantan betina! haha...

eh, A kot betul... eh, B macam betul jer...

hmm... eh, A dengan B ni bukan ke sama maksud dier... yang mana ek...

Adoi.. nak C ke nak E... hmm...

adoi fakta Dr. Azlina dengan fakta Dr. Munirah ni lain la pulak~~ dah la soalan MCQ, kalau essay boleh lah aku berhujah sikit... adoi, mati-laaa

Jadi, oleh itu, oleh yang demikian rupa... lain kali jangan lah study last minute cik adik oi! ^^

Kisah di clinic #1

Supervisor A: dah siap? (sambil menjenguk ke dalam bilik ujian adult)

Supervisor B: (tersengih)... biasa la, buah cempedak di luar pagar... (lantas memandang aku yang tengah jadi observer)

spontan, aku tunduk memandang lantai dan memandang rakan clinic yang tengah instruct patient dalam hearing cabin... huhu

Supervisor B: jawab dalam hatiiiii... (dengan nada sarkastik sekali,)

Each supervisor have their own way of conducting their practices, as student we must be a fast learner. Learn from mistakes. I do lot of mistakes and I even kept telling myself, am I able to ever be a competent audiologist? huhu...

But what I've been telling myself lately~ everybody makes mistakes, and there's always space for improvement... please don't torture us, we have a lot more to learn from you guys.

"Mati la aku..." ~sedikit sebanyak gugup hati aku hilang bila aku sebut ayat ni.. hehe.. kalo orang cina dengar marah woooo.. suwey diorang ckp hehe

One-sided Crush

Some of us may not have the courage to love...

The 'love bug' keep on bugging and bugging... there's just so many reason to love that person... there's just so many ways to like that person... every little thing that he did just keep on making you smiling...

It is wrong to love someone secret-ly? ^^

Do you know the advantages of one-sided crush?... (I got this from a lovely korean drama!) hehe

"You won't spend money,"

~when you're dating, you exchange gifts, you often call and sms...

"There are no restrictions so there's lots of freedom,"

~I can do what ever I want, anytime I want... no need to tell him... haha

"There's no need to always consider the partner feelings,"

~It saves the effort of being so nice in front of him... hehe

"No expectation of anything from the partner, so by just watching him or her is enough,"

~I don't expect him to know my feelings... therefore as long as he's OK, I'm super OK!

"When I want it to stop, I can stop at any time,"

~I can tell my heart to give up on him and since I'm the only one who will be sad, it's better that way... hehe...

unrequited love club secretary,

Lyanna shii ^^

p/s~ sometime it's just better to have it that way... thanks for at least letting me know what I could have.. hehe..

"bercinta selepas bernikah itu lebih indah..."

Mama Pesan; "Kalau berkawan...

My mom once told me;

"kalau berkawan, jangan rapat sangat,"

When she uttered those words, I was just twelve. Majority of my friends back then was girls...(same as now the only male friends that I have now is only Si Fulan and Si Fulan). I can't really see why. But I have always been an obedient one. The closest friends that I ever have are only Chika and my mom. hehe... ^^

I believed my mom's words always carries meaning..

p/s~ I got an earmold practical this afternoon~ Wishing that it will be a smooth one... and oh, it's the 6th day of fasting, my tummy is getting used to it, the gastric pain is lesser. Alhamdulillah ^^

Left Unsaid...

huhu... am I really a 22year old?...

oh, I'm getting older but my head is still the same as it was ten years ago. What is happening to you lyanna?

Everybody is ahead from you. Oh, God, why do I felt this way...

In this beautiful months of Ramadhan, I kept on having flashed back of my childhood memories. If only things are as smooth as it was back then. oh, no... I'm not suppose to use this forbidden words "if only"...

Subhanallah, Lyanna wake up, shake it off, and move on. Settle important things first. Remember you're a third year student right now. Filled your head with something!

p/s~ I'm having a chaotic mind right now... need to recollect my memories and put them all together. Lyanna~~~~ jia you!!

P.U.T.U.S A.S.A

Baru je belajar maksud putus asa...

kan orang selalu pesan jangan pernah berputus asa kan...

too bad~ dalam hidup 22 tahun ni, baru hari ni aku betul-betul tahu apa maksud putus asa.

betul kata orang, "Life is the greatest teacher,"

Terima kasih kat awak, saya belajar makna putus asa daripada awak... Saya tak salahkan awak, malah saya berterima kasih. Alhamdulillah, aku belajar sesuatu dari kehidupan. ^^

impossible! what? kurus! hahaha~

Please take a look at the picture once again...

Yes, that very picture la yang buat norsyazana sahal ketawa bagai nak rak...

hehe... I have this post-it note that I put it on my study board, while Xana was at my desk, she accidentally read it and she burst into laughter... hee hee.

I had a medical check up last year. Alhamdulillah my heart is working fine, my sugar level is at a healthy level, my blood count is okay (I did donate some blood for the very first time in my life)... BUT it's just my BMI~~~~ as a not so tall, and not so thin person, I fall into the category of PRE-OBESE...he he...

Sincerely, it had been my dream to be thinner and skinny... hahahaha... I love sports and outdoors activities. Insya Allah, I'll do my best to have at least a healthy BMI. hmm...

I never judge people by appearance but I wish I can look the best for my self, for my future career (so that people are not scared by me~hehehe), and for my health as well!

So, yana-shi, hwaiting! jia you8x...

As a 3rd year student

hmmm... in this new semester, I'm quite busy with clinical session. We were given schedule to be having our practical in the ENT department of HTAA as well as our new clinic at JHC. Subhanallah, only God knows how nervous I am for each and every session that I had. Only God knows if I'm going to be more and more nervous for my next session... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Today, I had a great day, I woke up quite early, doing laundry, get some lunch with my friends, and I had some revisions on auditory amplification. Right after Asar prayers, I had my sport gear on and went for a jog in the park...hmmm...now I'm quite sleepy~ but still I have some reading to do. Tomorrow we got thesis presentation by our final year seniors. Wish them all the best.

p/s~ I did well today~ going to be more busy tomorrow! ^^

Shima ~ Luka di lukai

Shima

Luka Dilukai

Kanan dan kiri

Cuba berlari

Masih ku dihujani

Tohmah dan caci

Jangan sekali

Aku diletak ke bawah

Hanya kerana jalan

Hidup yang susah

Tak siapa di antara

Kita di dunia

Memilih jalan hidup

Yang derita

Aku sering dipersenda

dan sering dikecewa

Oleh hati mereka

Yang tak punya rasa

Ingin ku mengecap bahagia

Padamu kasih yang menjanjikan setia

Namun belum sempat kumerasa

Mimpi yang dibina

Hati mudah berdarah semula

kerana dustanya....

Terhempas lagi

Sekian kali

Luka yang dilukai menguji diri

Namun begitu

Aku tabahkan semangat

Biar waktu merawat

Segalanya...

Berlapang dada...

Bukan mudah... untuk kita membenci apa yang kita dah start sayang... susah weh.

Bukan mudah juga untuk kita pasti kan apa yang kita rasa tu sebenarnya adalah perasaan sayang atau cuma mainan emosi... susah weh.

Tapi apa yang aku belajar dari seseorang (seorang yang aku sudah anggap seperti kakak sendiri) ialah walau apa pun yang terjadi...walau apa pun keputusan yang dia buat...kita mesti lah berlapang dada.

Semua mainan cinta monyet ni memang membuai perasaan. Kalau tidak dikawal, kelak mungkin akan membinasakan diri...betul weh.

Jadi apa yang aku dah putuskan; oleh kerana si dia tak tahu pun yang aku suka kan dia~ jadi aku boleh lah berlapang dada. Alhamdulillah, lebih baik aku tumpukan pada benda2 yang lebih prioriti daripada perasaan aku terhadap si dia... ^^

Riding a rainbow of happiness...

this pic taken from melissa's blog~

I realized that I never been truthful to myself...

Shouldn't 'me' be the most important person that I have to be truthful to???...

At least please be truthful to yourself, it will hurt less.

okay, here goes;

I learned that I'm falling in love with someone. [there I said it..:))) ]

I learned that 'falling' in love, (just like what melissa said in her blog),

"when you're supposedly "falling" in love, it's not like you're falling down some dark rabbit hole you'll never be able to crawl out of.It's more like you're riding a rainbow of happiness higher and higher until you begin to see the tip of white clouds and lush blue skies,"

I also learned that falling in love can bring the hurtful pain that you'll never imagine. It can unconscionably bring you smiles and tears.

I also learned that by falling in love, it got me wondering, (just like what melissa said in her blog),

*Why is it that we meet people when we do?

*Do the fates have some master plan to conspire against us (I didn't mean to make that sound so paranoid. Really.)?

*Is it even possible to reconnect with someone at a different time and a different place in both your lives?

*Will the past always be right behind you, or can you forge ahead with a future together, despite the not-so-great circumstances in which you first met.

*Is there such a thing as a "second" first meeting, if that makes any sense?

p/s~ hmmm... I learned that I like him the first time that he call me 'lyanna' while others are calling me 'nurul'. I realized that that's the moment where my heart beats stop for the first time ever. ^^

What I have felt for him is not something that I want him to know. I'm glad that he once had stepped into this little world of mine and make my world going catastrophically wrong sometime. ^^

What I don't want him to know is that I like him.

And what I really want him to know is that I do like him. (seeeee, I've told you he'd make my world up side down now...ohhhhh ^^)

Falling in love again and again. I'm happy that I get to know you... It was cute, and charming. And of course it had always made me smile ^^ (and sometime make me bang my head on the table because of all my stupid action where you're around!)

Jogging.. jogging.. giggling with Xana Miller all the way..

Just had a jog at Tasek Bandar (a stone throw from UIA Kuantan campus)...

I was with my beloved girlfriend Xana Miller...

It was fun...

I was giggling with her all the way to the park and all the way back... We chat and chat like crazy~ ^^

We talk bout boys, clinics, and of course supervisors... hee hee...

I really had a heart-out... all my pressures are at least loosen a little.

I hope to have this kind of jog everyday... thanks for the fun Xana Miller! I heart you!

p/s~ really need to lose some pounds!!!!!

"If we ever meet again,"

(^_^)... can't stop smiling each time I heard this song.

there's just something that I love to share with you guys but I think I kept it for a while before I finally gonna tell you guys about it.

hmm... there's this stupid little thing that I really love to share but maybe for some of you it kinda sound silly.. ^^

but I really wanna share it with you guys when the time comes.. hehe

oh, this silly little update of mine... thanks for reading.

p/s~ Lately I've been busy with my clinical session.. It was really challenging. I wish I can be as competent as my lecturers and supervisors. ^^

Have you felt so hurt before?

hmm... I don't quite know how to tell what I felt.

But it's really hurt... it hurts.

Reality hurts~

When you figures out that you're willing to give someone your heart, you should realized that you're giving out your heart to be hurt as well.

hmmm... now I know what broken heart's like. It's painful and you can't stop crying when you start.

"Thanks for showing what I could have," a broken heart.

p/s~ watched Twillight Saga Eclipse last night with my girlfriends~~ ^^

Born in 31st January 1988 (it was a Sunday)

I LOVE YOU, Say It Before It's Too Late

I've just read my lovely lecturer of 'English For Academic Purposes' blog's, Madam Norhayati Md Rasip. I love you madam. Thanks for sharing this beautiful writing and I'm sorry for your loss recently. (her belated aunt)

p/s~ alhamdulillah I got A for my EAP.. ^^

Open Arms

Journey (Stevie Perry)

Tolerate Hunger, I'll Try :-)

Truthfully it is a habit~ whenever I am hungry, angry, or tired, it never fail to trigger me to eat more and more. It is a bad habit of mine. Recently I have read an article on "Eat Like Skinny Women" ~I think I wanna change this habit for a healthier me! yeah~~ \(^^)/

In the interesting article (naturalhealth.msn.com) it said;

1. If you're truly hungry - eat a balanced snack, such as a handful of nuts.
2. If you're angry - go for a run and just jumping around; bcoz the heartbeat boost can help dissipate your anger. (I'll try this soon :p)
3. If you're tired, for heaven' sake, sleep! (I like this!! ;-)

"Letih tu tak lekat di badan~ kalo penat rehat sekejap, hilang la.." ~Pak Teh

One more thing the article said that Skinny people realized that hunger isn't an emergency. Thin people tend to tolerate with hunger unlike non-skinny people (on average, not all), they view hunger as a condition that needs to be cured-- and fast! (I wanna change this too, I'll learn to tolerate hunger ;-)

"If you fear hunger, you might routinely overeat to avoid it," says Judith S. Beck, Ph.D, author of the book 'The Beck Diet Solution'

If I'm not mistaken, during the War of Khandaq, Rasulullah companions have to tolerate hunger while digging the Khandaq. Owing to the hunger that piercing through their bones~ they tied a big rock on their tummy to tolerate the emptiness. Subhannallah, on the same time Rasulullah Sallallohu Alaihi Wassalam tied two big rocks~ he was famished as well. Nevertheless, Rasulullah and his companians still strong in the way of seeking Allah's pleasures. Subhanallah!

I'll try to tolerate hunger. Insya Allah :-)

P/S~ I bought some groceries for my mom (with some money from the part-time job). I felt happy as my mom was so pleased... Mama, I'll finished my studies a.s.a.p for you :-)

All I Do Is Win

Dj Khaleed etc.

Nicely done

I wanna thanked my friend, Nur Izzati Nawawi, because I love how her blog looks and I get this wonderful layout from the same website. Thanks Ijat!

I love pretty things, everyone does. That's why I learnt that I like Ajak, haha! :p

“There are just some things you don’t talk about.”

The first reason why I start blogging is so that I can teach myself to only write things in English. I'm not the bright kind of bloggers that shared information and knowledges in their blog. I'm sorry.

Secondly, I'm not quite good in English, that is why I write such simple, tiny, mini, things.

Thirdly, I'm slowly learning to write a good writing. I love reading Melissa Blake's blog. She's awesome!

My world is small compared to you. I hope it is not a sin if I wanted to write what I did and what I felt.

I'm sorry, I just blogged for fun. And I can't deny that I write mostly about my feelings. There's just something that you can not let it out loud. I know when I at least write it down, I can have peace at mind. I can at least shed some tears.

There's just something that you know you must kept because letting it out loud will only worsen the situations.

For A Moment

Today was as normal as other days. I'm still at work when suddenly I got a text from him. For a moment, suddenly my world change.

The reason he was sms'ing me was about the books that I've been offering to him before since I knew that he is going to take a degree in Medicine. Alhamdulillah, I'm happy for him. Degree of Medicine in USM, subhanallah...

I really don't want to get involved in his life. It makes me falling into pieces. This time around I wish I can be a more forward person. I know that the world doesn't revolve around me. And I know the world doesn't revolve around him either.

Last Sunday, her sister was back in Johore with her newly born son. Wow, subhanallah... He is an uncle now. He's taking the degree for five years and I wondered when will he planned to settle down. Do he really still have something with her till today. I really hope they can be together. I pity her. I know she will waits till the end of the world. As for him, that's what we call commitment. You ask for it, now you must answer the call.

Selfish

I've just realized that actually I am a self-centered person. I actually do not care about others. What I really do care is myself. Just like Eun Jo in Cinderella Sisters, a self-centered step sister that wanted to have her own world without anyone else in it except the person she loved. Afraid of any commitment because don't want to get hurt. Doing things that only will bring benefits to me. I'm selfish alright. I'm tired of everything. I'm hurt. I don't want you to know. I really hate you, you and your world. I hate to even think of you.

Inner Loathing

Honestly, I have this one person that I knew since my childhood. He is the smartest person that I ever known. He’s good in sport, education, and God knows what else. He got this personality that makes everybody start liking him the moment they knew his name. He is a good friend though we never quite talk to each other. And since childhood, I knew that this one little girl who also a very good friend of mine had given her heart to him and wish that they would become husband and wife. Until today, without fail, I can still see it in her eyes that she wanted him.

I think I am not a good friend of his. I realized that whenever I know a little bit about him, it end up giving me heart ache and misery. Why do I have to feel this way? It’s wrong. Definitely wrong. So I’ve made my mind. What the use of having this inner loathing. What the use of thinking about him anyway. Silly me. Let him be. I will let him be.

Thinking of You

Katy Perry

Never To Take Sides.

Out of the blue, he slammed the door shut. It made a loud bang, and of course it had made all the members in the house jaws dropped.

“What was that?”

“What happened?”

“Why is he mad?”

“What is wrong with him this time?”

One by one, these questions appeared but none of them are verbally spoken. Everybody knows what it’s like when he’s angry. Some of us even silently whispered our prayers so that he’ll never do anything stupid. Most of us don’t even have the slightest clue of what have gotten into him. What we knew was at least that “someone” has made him mad “again”.

Nobody likes to see other people when they’re angry. But yet, people keeps on making ‘reasons’ for one to be angry. It’s scary when you see other people faces rise in anger…

Sometime it feels like what I have worked to made him change was totally useless. It is actually simple to figure him out~ he is a short tempered person. Seeing he’s upset again really make me worried. The trust that he had given can easily be snapped away.

These holidays have given me the chance to be there for him. Well maybe for others he seems to have making the wrong choice earlier and now he is suffering the consequences. For me, he is still the same old him. But what I’m afraid is I can’t always be there for him. When the holidays are over, he may lose his trust in me again. He would feel that nobody is there for him again. No one to trust, no one to speak to, no one to share a joke and giggles.

The nature of a person is no one likes to be alone. Sometime people did crazy things to attract other’s attentions. If you aren’t the one that always did crazy things, well f.y.i you’re the lucky one that always have somebody on your back. That’s why I teach myself never to take sides.

Say (All I Need)

One Republic.

Despise...

Sadly, there are just so many things that I despise in this world of mine.

Recently, I learned something:

"Harta yang paling besar ialah hati yang sentiasa syukur, dan lidah yang sentiasa zikir kepada Allah"

Yesterday, I hurt someone by my own words. I really didn't mean it. I'm sorry.

Today, I saw something that brings burden to me. I try so hard to just let it be. But I guess I can't. (oh, this so mean heart of mine!)

I Live My Life For You

Firehouse

"Mandi Minyak" haha ^^

Last friday was the third day I'm working in Lam Soon Edible Oil Sdn Bhd. I was in charge of bottle capping. Abg Zul and lao pan was helping me with the technical stuff at first. When I get the grip of how to handle the machine~ they would leave the machine on my responsibility.

The first one hour is okay, but then I lost my grip with the bottle and the machine. The bottle (with oil in it) was compressed and then the bottle "jumped" and the oil "fly" out and...you guess the rest.

Hahaha, I was covered with 'Naturel Canola Oil' from the top of my head.

Makcik 1: Ya Allah, kesian nya kau Dik...

Makcik 2: Dah, dah, awak pergi tandas dulu... (aku still terkebil2 kat situ)

Akak 1: Dik nanti kat tandas basuh cermin mata tu guna sabun nanti kelabu...

Akak 2: pergi tandas dulu dik...

Aku: Takpe kak, jap je lagi dah nak rehat. ^^

Makcik India: Mandi minyak ke!! hehe

It was a fun experience~ usually lao pan should get angry because the machine suppose to be operated non-stop~ the nature of 'keje kilang' haha. All the operators are helping me. I'm grateful.

Abg Zul was nice as ever.

Fan

Epik High

Lam Soon Sdn Bhd, again ^^

Today, I finally get a part time job in a local factory within my neighborhood.

Again, (after about 2 years) I'm working in Lam Soon Sdn Bhd. It is a factory which produce cooking oil like Knife, Minyak Cap Buruh, Canola oil, and packaging several kind of soap like May, Fruitale, Lux etc. Some workers there still remembered me and my sister who once had worked there for our previous holiday. ^^

Spending my holiday without working is a no-no for me since I left high-school.

But still I'm grateful with what I have. Anyway the money I earned is more precious than those gadgets and sparkling-eye-catching stuff that they didn't have to pay a single cent to own it. (sounded evil didn't I? haha^^)

However as human being, sometime I tend to be upset too. Seeing others can have whatever they want and still blabber about it, make my heart sick. (sounded kinda mad didn't I? ^^)

I don't mean to be harsh. Maybe this is how I soothe my aching heart. I'm always appear as a happy person because I choose to be a happy person. But it never meant that I won't get hurt.

"Syukur, aku masih disini,
Syukur, aku bernafas lagi,
Syukur, aku masih berdiri,
Masih ada kuasa dalam tubuh ini,"

Lagu Syukur

Altimet

I was born on...

Just wanted to share this interesting stuff hehe.

The sole breadwinner of my family

I don't know how to start.

hmm..It is now 11.35pm and my father isn't home yet. It's not a bad thing but it never failed to make me worry.

Since I heard he is driving the taxi again, I felt a relieved but it still worrisome for me. I remembered he used to call me a few years back, when he made a little accident every time he dozed off while driving~ he would have this trembling but a low tone in his voice and he said "kak yan, ayah accident lagi,". It will struck my heart but knowing that nothing happen to him, just that the taxi have to be fixed (and it will become more worrisome for him than me)~ I'll broke into silent tears.

I remembered, my first time of working.

I work as an operator in an oil factory~ on the very next day my body is aching and I had a slight fever but I kept it to myself. My father would first send me and my sister to the factory before finally off to work. In the car, I can see my father from the back. With the pain that I'm having because of work, I finally can see how my father have been enduring his pain while being the sole breadwinner of my family. I can finally understand what a single penny earned by one's hardship means.

Driving a taxi is not easy.

• The taxi that my father drive is not his~ therefore he must pay the rent of the taxi per day to the owner. ~therefore, whether he was able to find more customers or not, he must pay the taxi rent.
• Before he can drive a taxi he must first have a taxi license. He told me he spend about 1500++ for the license.
• When there is an accident~ my father had to pay for the 'fixing' part and sending the taxi to the workshop also means that his work will be pending. So while the taxi is being 'fixed', he can not earn anything.
• Accidents is likely to happen if you're easily dozing off while driving.

"Find a man with ambitions, not only a man with abilities. Because one day the abilities may dissapear..."

Money is not everything but everything needs money. One definition about money can be influenced by their environment, how they were raised, and their own experienced in life.

Seeing my father hardship in every single day make me wanna quick end up my student life and replace his place as soon as possible. My mother would always remind me "That's why, you should study harder and be successful. It is all that we have ever wanted from you,"

Ludwig Van Beethoven

Moonlight Sonata

No 27, 9

As guilty as charged ^^

It's been a while since I last wrote in my blog. Maybe because I only write when I felt extremely happy or sad about something. Well, maybe...

Since I'm home for my semester break, I have been spending my time watching a popular tv show "The Mentalist", hmm, it has been my favorite tv shows after CSI.

I'm looking for work as usual but there's nothing out there for me for the time being. I remembered how I used to work in a farm with my sisters, brothers, and father. My father work very hard for our family. He work as a taxi driver before he finally wanna take over this "farm" work from his friend. I remembered how we were working our lungs out in the middle of the 40+ acre of land beneath the striking sun from 7 o'clock in the morning until 6 o'clock in the evening. I remembered how burnt our skin were until I will harshly joked with myself that no one will ever marry me. ^^

I remembered my experienced of facing a big snake (my dad said it was 'ular kapak'). This kind of snake was common in this kind of land that was inside a palm tree estate. On that day, we were making fences so that wild boar will not get into the land and damaging newly planted palm tree. While digging the ground, suddenly my father heard sound on the bushes nearby, my father said "apa tu?" and pointing nearby. I didn't heard the sound so I just turned and looked at where he were pointing. And then there it was~ a snake. I thought it was a cobra bcoz only cobra can stand like that. I was amazed and terrified at the same time. I remembered that I wasn't that amazed if I saw a snake behind glass in a zoo (I'm not interested in zoos). But it was really different in this life threatening situation. Me and me dad keep stepping backward slowly, and to our terror that creature also slowly moved forward. I don't know what to do. I kept silent and only clinged to my father arm. My dad finally get some move~ he slowly picked something on the ground ( I don't quite know what it is becoz my eyes were locked on the snake) and threw it elsewhere. The snake doens't fall into it but it did turn his head. After sometime, that me and me dad and the snake had frozen the all time, the snake finally make it way into the bushes and vanished. Alhamdulillah, I didn't cried but no more seeing me playing by the bushes for no reason.

Working in the farm holds sweet and bitter memories. At least I knew how my mother use to work in the rubber estate in her childhood helping my late grandpa pa and grandma ma. At least I knew how my father spent his adolescent working in a factory. I love these experienced that taught me how life would feel in the hardest way. I'm happy for all these experiences although sometime I can still feel the agony in it. Difficulty in life is just one of the spices in life. Learn to live in it.

Schubert Serenade

Schubert.

The end of my sister's office management practical

besarkan kapal ni.... kapal kat kilang chika keje^^

Today is the last day of my sister's practical days. alhamdulillah. Yesterday, her company did a farewell session with all parting practical employee. Chika told me, she cried. I can't stand but just to giggle with the fact that she actually cried...hehe^^

I remembered how she loathes her office colleagues, the supervisors, and the gm himself. She told me that they had been so hard on her. I remembered giving her motivational phrases as much as I could so that she'll bare with it. But yesterday, in her farewell session with them, chika told me that all of them gives compliments to her. She cried in gratitudes and shock. They told her that she is a very polite employee, very patience, and done good and organised-work. haha^^

I'm glad that I told her before, "Be nice to people, anything could happen in the future, and you wouldn't know whom you can depend in our hardest time,".

I hope when I started practical in the future, I'm able to be as patience as her. hwaiting!!!

Wanna be strong like seungri. don't underestimate strong baby^^

why people change...

Why people change...

Even the world is changing, and so do people.

Lyanna,

If you treat life as difficult, believe me it never gonna be easier,

but if you treat life as a challenge, believe me there is no bigger challenge that we cannot overcome.

I always felt that I always walked in other's shadow, well maybe, that's what I've chosen to do. I'm afraid of making mistake and I can not bear blames...

Now I realized that my challenges are small compared to others. No one is asking me to invent something that benefits the nation or to plan something that improves the quality of life for the sake of humanity....the worse thing that I happen to do is to face patients, seniors, lecturers and supervisors in the clinic. The only thing that I have to memorize by heart for my coming papers are just things limited in my expertise. Learn that you're lucky Lyanna. huhu .:cry:.